another mother's day post

I was driving home after a long day (another long day). Three days until Mother's Day. Everyone without a mother is supposed to feel sad with this calendar reminder of our motherlessness. But I don't. This is why:

There's no good time to feel sad about having a mother.

I always feel sad about not having a mother.

I always know that it is strange not to have a mother. Seeing women in sundresses at brunch on a Sunday doesn't make this better or worse. It just makes it real.

The sadness may feel like a heavy brick on her birthday, when I think about how old she would be this year. The disappointment may feel like a shivering fever when I accomplish something and can't call her up. The regret may feel like a slap to the face when I realize how little I showed appreciation for all she has done.

People share photos of themselves with their mothers on Facebook, calling them "stunning" and "intelligent" and "hardworking," photos with wide smiles and gleaming eyes. I am happy to see that these mothers are rightfully being appreciated. And I just hope these people also hug and kiss and care for their mothers just as passionately as they portray online.

I can no longer send my mother flowers, buy her dinner, send her a card, or even just call her up on the phone. But I live vicariously through those that CAN do this.

I can refocus my sadness and see beyond this black box, beyond this grief, into the joy of those still living and those who still have time.

Of course I wish I would have done more for her. Even just said more to her.

And I know we all feel like this when someone close to us passes away.

Mother's Day is a time for all of us to appreciate mothers, here or not. It's a holiday that motivates us to reimagine motherlessness, because we can look around and see that though we may feel lonely, other mothers are not neglected. Other mothers can be given flowers, fed breakfast in bed, and handed cards drawn in crayon. The mother-child connection is alive on Mother's day, and we should feed of this rather than be alienated by it.